One year ago today

One year ago today I was in the hospital to deliver my son that had passed away. I had been pregnant for 21 weeks. I believe Wyatt passed away about 12 hours after his second blood transfusion. That would have been while I was asleep on Friday night. The days, weeks, and months that followed (and continue to follow) his passing have been a rollercoaster. It’s amazing the waves of grief, clarity, acceptance, anger, love, and happiness that continue to wash over me. I am still grieving for him, and know that I will never stop. I love him and miss him much. It’s hard for me to know that the little amount of ashes that we got back from him being cremated are under a tree in northern Arizona. It’s difficult to know that someone I never got to see grow will never be with me except for in my heart. I’ve accepted that his life past 21 weeks was never meant- but Jeeze meneezee it still hurts. I still sleep with his blanket and sometimes still have crying fits that leave me drained and emotionally devoid, but mostly it doesn’t rip my heart out to think of him anymore. Aaron and I will never forget the son we were so excited for. We will always wonder what could’ve been. But one year later- we are looking to the future and what will be. We are excited for what life has in store for us! We’re stronger than ever and know that we will be able to get through anything as long as we have each other and our family and friends!
I love you Wyatt!